Today I went to see my Nurse Practitioner at the Family Practice I go to. I have been having high blood pressure issues for the last couple of months. I have been exercising atleast 2-3 times a week for the last month. I know it needs to be more, but it is a start. I have also lost (according to my scale this morning) 4 pounds over the month too. I have been trying to cut back here and there (like not getting a Frapacinno from Starbucks every time I go to Target--or drive by Target for that matter). The blood pressure was slightly better but still high. I have a physical scheduled for the end of January and we will recheck it then. My goal is to lose 5 more pounds by the time I see her.
I spoke to her about my winter depression (Seasonal Affective Disorder, or S.A.D. for short). I told her that after having two great years where I wasn't even fazed by winter this year it has been tough. I would say I started to feel the affects around October. I told her that some days I feel like I do everything I can just to hold it together. I can start crying very easily, crave carbs (and chocolate) more than usual, and just straight up don't want to get up before 7:30...but yet I would love to crawl in bed by 8 p.m., energy is gone. And my poor kids have gotten the blunt end with my mood (big time grabby patty). So after telling my NP, Kathy, all this she asked me how I was doing with getting into the Word. Uh, well....not so much. I feel at times very distant from God...very unworthy. She reminded me how a few years ago I told her that God used the S.A.D. to draw me closer to Him.
During that time I was getting up early before anybody else in the house. I would use a light box for atleast 30 minutes and during this time I would meditate on His word and pray. After that I would put worship music on. I would fill myself up with Him instead of looking to myself to get through this. Kathy reminded me of this today. I left feeling a little better and I know what I need to be doing.
Depression is very lonely. There is one song that sums up how I feel. Take a listen. This was the best video of the song I could find on youtube. His mouth and the words don't line up. Pay that no mind. Instead, close your eyes and just listen to the words.
I thank God that I have the N.P. that I do. Most would have quickly just written a prescription and sent me on my way. What a great difference it makes to go to someone that can gently remind you to look to the Lord.