It is very fitting that today, Valentine's Day, our daughter gave us a new heart. This has been a tough week for me. Sometimes, it isn't easy being Mom. Jessica wasn't budging. She was in such a rebellion, walking in her own wisdom. Yesterday she came to us to tell us she wanted to "be part of the family again". Unfortunately, she looked as hard as stone as she was telling me this, shooting me dirty looks as we were talking. When asked why...she said a list of "fun" things she missed. When asked about her heart and why she wasn't being a part of the family she just shrugged. We tried talking to her but it wasn't going very far. The heart just wasn't ready.
Today I went to co-op with the boys. Hubby has Thursday's off and spends it with the girls. Jessie spent the day in her room or sitting on the love-seat when Emily was sleeping. She still looked stone-like this morning. I spoke with her before I left asking her if there was anything she wanted to say. NOTHING. At co-op I spoke with other mothers that I look up to. My heart was breaking. I wasn't sure how much longer I could do it. All I really wanted to do was go home and wrap my arms around Jessie. After talking I knew I needed to stay strong and stay the course. I am happy to say that when I came home from co-op I could see a change. She was starting to crack. After she had lunch she came up to me and again asked to "be part of the family". This time was different. Her heart was different and you could see it in her face...especially in her eyes. When asked why she wanted to be part she gave reasons that were heart felt. I asked her why we had to do this and she told me "because I wanted to do my own thing." SHE GOT IT!!!
Chris and I sat her down and it was like talking to a new little girl. Happiness was truly beaming from her face. Actually let me correct that....Her clean heart was showing. She came to the place that she was ready to accept the correction. I spoke to her about her anger towards me. She told me she was praying and asking God this morning to help her with this. She said she doesn't know why all of a sudden she was angry with me. This is something that I think will get better with time. She is going to have questions in her mind and heart about "why" her birth-mother doesn't have her. I want to help her through the questions and feelings. She then asked us to forgive her. We told her we did just as God forgives us. We sat her between us, prayed together and gave her a huge squeeze.
I am taking this as a new beginning. I want to build a strong relationship with her. I love her so.